My wife, Steph, and I recently wrapped up the second session of our 2 x 4-hour intensive couples therapy days. Why are we in therapy? Before we get to that, I thought it would be interesting to share some reactions from friends after telling them about it...

• Really? You guys seem great!
• Wow, good for you guys!
• Oh no, is everything okay?
• I’d love to hear more; we’ve been struggling with some things.
• That must be difficult to go through.
• Couples therapy saved our marriage.

So, there it is—quite a range of responses from just a few personal shares. I found it fascinating to hear such a variety of comments and feedback.

About a year ago, some good friends of ours told us about an amazing couples counselor who literally saved their marriage. Like many others, having kids seemed to expose (or, as they said, throw gas on the fire of) underlying issues that had caused them pain and suffering. At the time, we had our son, Ben, and we were doing a pretty good job of communicating and prioritizing each other while raising a little human. On Dec 29th, we welcomed our second little dude, baby Liam. Little did we know (mind you, all of my friends with two or more kids claimed they warned me) that life would become way more challenging—far more than we ever thought. The ability to divide and conquer was long gone.

The two half-day sessions were intense. I mean VERY intense. I found myself going through a range of emotions: anger, frustration, impatience, sadness, and a bunch more. It required both of us to go back into our history and open up wounds that hadn’t fully healed, or perhaps ones we had suppressed for years. Humans do an incredible job of burying traumas so deeply that we walk around saying things like, “I’m great, my childhood was awesome, we had it easy, etc.” I’ve been fortunate to have access to therapy for years and have been doing this work consistently for over seven years now. On average, I have a session pre-booked every four weeks. As you can imagine, there’s never a shortage of material or a list I’ve got ready to talk about before my session. That said, my favorite sessions are the ones where I’m feeling great, life is in flow, and it’s a chance to discuss growth, progress, and share a few high-fives.

Is my counselor somewhat biased and on what I’d call “Team Chris”? Of course! She’s been part of my journey for many years and often reminds me how far I’ve come and the progress I’ve made. But that doesn’t mean she’s not the first to call out my bullshit or highlight my “blind spots”—those things I simply can’t see because I’m too close to them.

The Shift: Why We Decided to Take This Step Together

So why couples therapy? Simply put, we realized that despite the strong foundation of our relationship, adding another child to the mix brought out stressors we hadn’t anticipated. No matter how strong a relationship is, life's challenges—whether they're raising children, managing careers, or balancing other commitments—can push it to its limits. We wanted to address these challenges before they became sources of resentment or further strain. Therapy wasn’t a sign that we were on the verge of collapse, but rather an investment in our future together. By making this conscious decision, we aimed to strengthen the parts of our relationship that had started to show wear from the pressures of daily life.

Let’s call a spade a spade: society has made a lot of progress, but there’s still a big ol' stigma around therapy. The idea of getting help or needing to be “fixed” has negative connotations that are ingrained in us from previous generations. If we need to be fixed, does that mean we’re broken? Did this perception come from conversations growing up, from Hollywood, or from our social circles? Many people still see therapy as a last resort, rather than a proactive approach to maintaining mental and emotional health. It’s no different than taking your car for regular maintenance instead of waiting for it to break down. Therapy can help prevent small issues from becoming major problems. But if we’re too afraid to bring up the topic openly and discuss it with family, friends, or coworkers, we lose the opportunity to explore it.

Do I think this stigma is changing for the better? Absolutely! But we still have work to do as a society. I believe being vulnerable and open with those around us is a fantastic way to start. The reality is, we’re all messed up in some way from the things that happened to us along the way. So many of us are struggling to keep up with the daily pressures of family, career, and friendships. If we can open the door just a crack, lead with vulnerability, and create a safe space for others to share, the world becomes a much more manageable place. In my experience, leading with vulnerability can change the conversation and give others the assurance that they, too, are beautiful humans with their own beautiful flaws.

Our experience in couples therapy has been profoundly beneficial. It has not only improved our relationship but also taught us valuable skills that we apply in our everyday lives. We are now better equipped to handle conflicts, communicate effectively, and support each other through the daily challenges of raising young kids.

Now, don’t get me wrong—I screw up, we screw up, often daily! But we’re human, and that’s okay. Perfection doesn’t exist, and we simply aim to be better today than we were yesterday. It takes practice, patience, and most of all, a deep commitment to each other. We’ve signed up for a monthly session indefinitely because we both see the value in continuing this work over time. The analogy makes sense: it’s like going to the gym. You can’t go for a few sessions and expect to be fit. It takes years, if not a lifetime, of commitment to the process and to your health. I see therapy the same way—a lifelong commitment to being a better version of myself.

For anyone hesitant about seeking therapy, I urge you to consider it. It’s a sign of strength, not weakness. Breaking the stigma starts with each of us acknowledging that it's okay to seek help, that our relationships are worth investing in, and that personal growth is a continuous journey.

Therapy has been a vital part of our journey as a couple. It’s a testament to our commitment to each other and to our willingness to grow. Let’s break the stigma together and embrace the benefits of seeking help when we need it. After all, the strongest relationships are those that continually strive to improve.

‍